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Losing Weight

"I worry about gaining weight again and my life going back to what it was before."

Listen to this Commentary!

By Patty Villareal

Last July, this guy Eric asked me to a dance. It was a complete shock to me. I think I told him to shut up, stop messing around. I’d been losing weight for a year, and all of a sudden people were starting to notice. And my life began to change. Guys were asking me out. I was meeting more people every day. People who never would have talked to me before, weirdly enough became my friends.

I became more open, more confident. When I went clothes shopping with my mom, I actually enjoyed it. My father started introducing me with a twinkle in his eye and the sound of pride in his voice. He used to say, “This is my son and he dadadadadadada…..and this is my daughter.” Now I get the “dadadadadda.”

All this because I lost 30 pounds.

But even though there’s so much good in my life now, I can’t stop myself from dwelling on the past and remembering what it was like to be overweight. I worry about gaining weight again and my life going back to what it was before.

I remember in elementary school being teased and making up excuses like, “I’m cold” so I wouldn’t have to take off my jacket. Even if it was 115 degrees outside. At one point I almost got a heat stroke.

I remember dreading those trips to the mall with my mom because we were surrounded by tall, skinny girls. I remember being timid about standing up for myself in an argument because I was afraid they’d just call me “fat girl.” And then what was I to say?

Just the other day, some guy called me “fat girl.” At least I think that’s what he said, I couldn’t quite hear it. But I didn’t wanna ask. And even though I know I look the same as I did yesterday, I think “Oh God, am I getting fat again?” I agonize my friend asking her that every day.

Sometimes I think I have to stop feeling so self-conscious about my weight. Sometimes I think the self-consciousness will eventually go away on its own, along with the weight. I’m dealing with these issues day by day. The process might be slow but I’m taking it one step at a time, as I should be.

I’m Patty Villareal.

Host Back Announce: Patty Villareal comes to us from Youth Radio LA, a collaboration between LACAAW, KCRW FM, and Youth Radio.