"My mom tells me that she fled that war only to find herself in between feuding gangs and police shooting at each other in our Los Angeles neighborhood of Boyle Heights."
By Evelyn Martinez
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During the 1980's and 90's, over one million Salvadorans fled the civil war in their country and settled in the United States. Over fifty percent of those who arrived in this country decided to make Los Angeles their home. Youth Radio's Evelyn Martinez explores how her mother's memories of guerillas in El Salvador intersect with her own reality of night time gunshots, helicopters, and sirens at home in East Los Angeles.
My mom says she hated the night sky growing up. It was a place of danger.
The thing is, my experience in East Los Angeles is no different:
Its 2:30 A.M and I'm tired, sleepy, trying to rest, because in a couple of hours I have to go to school. The gunshots echoing in the street are scaring the hell out of me.
I imagine guerrillas and soldiers climbing up the staircase of my apartment building--visions I have inherited from my mother.
You see, a long time ago before I was born was a big civil war going on in my mom's homeland in Sensuntepeque Cabanas, El Salvador.
Mom (on tape)
"Una noche un 5 de Marzo pasaron por mi casa y se llevaron a mi hermano mayor se lo amarraron se lo llevaron y nunca mas supimos nada de el."
She tells me that on the night of March the 5th , 1984 soldiers came into her house and took her brother. They just tied him up and took him with them.
Mom (on tape)
"Yo tenía much o miedo. Pues yo benia uyendo de unos balazos y resulta que enfrente de donde viviamos pasaban los cholos y los policias."
My mom tells me that she fled that war only to find herself in between feuding gangs and police shooting at each other in our Los Angeles neighborhood of Boyle Heights.
I remember this one time when I was just about 4 and a half. My sister and I were playing when this guy bangs on our door, shot in the stomach and bleeding. My mom cracked open the door and he pushed it open. He begged my mom for help.
Mom (on tape)
"¿Me dijo, señora, me ayuda por favor? ¿ Me deja entrar a su casa? Y yo le dije que no."
I'm sorry but I have kids, she said.
Mom (on tape)
"Yo queria ayudarlo pero.. los soldados – estos los policias.."
She says she saw soldiers behind the man....She means police. It's held over from El Salvador.
It was the first time I witnessed my mother's trauma in action.
After that day, my mom would often talk about her memories of war in her home country. She taught us about the dangers of the world, and how to deal with them.
Ashley (on tape)
"She overreacts sometimes because its not like if anytime the guerilleros and the soldiers are going to come over here, y'know?"
That's my sister Ashley. Age fourteen. We both struggle with how strict my mom can be.
Do you rebel? Cuz I know like when my mom used to tell me oh you’re not gonna go – like I’d find a way to go outside anyways.
Ashley (on tape)
"Usually for me cuz I clean everything in the house, I'm her baby, so she lets me go outside. So like for example I wash the dishes for her or sweep the house or mop it or go water the plants...that's my ticket for freedom."
Brian (on tape)
"If she lets us do whatever we want, we'll die- faster."
My brother Brian is just eleven. He sees things differently. He chooses to play it safe over going out and having fun.
Brian (on tape)
"If we go to a party, and they start shooting, who would they shoot? Us? Yes, they'll shoot us. So many bad things can happen. But if she raises us strict we can learn."
Even though we do live around violence, we do have choices. We can either stay paralyzed about it or find a way to overcome the trauma that has been passed from generation to generation in my community. If my elders who went through the civil war could talk about like my mom has, maybe they could begin their process of healing, and I could know enough about my history to not be afraid for the future.
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