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Love and War
"I’d say that the last time that you're going to see the person you love right before you leave, I think that was the hardest."
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to this Commentary!
By Christian and Mary McArthur
CHRISTIAN
Me and Mary had been seeing each other for about a year prior to our engagement. So, um, you know I figured if there was anyone that was going to be there for me during my time while I was gone it would be her.
MARY
My father definitely thought I was too young to be married, he definitely felt that I should be getting a diploma and putting something up on the wall, as he would say, but I had to stand up to my father you know, and that’s very difficult for me.
CHRISTIAN
I’d say that the last time that you're going to see the person you love right before you leave, I think that was the hardest.
MARY
You know at that moment that the next hour isn’t going to be with the person that you want it to be with. I mean everything was left to me to do, so I had to find an apartment and had to do all that stuff. And, when I catch an attitude with someone , you know, he’s usually there to back me up, you know, so I had to be strong, I had to be nice to people that I didn’t want to be nice to.
CHRISTIAN
In a sense you have an insecurity about what your spouse is doing while you’re away from them, so I mean know you’re supposed to trust this person with everything you own, everything you are, everything you have. What about you Mary, how was it for you?
MARY
I was stressed out, I would have to say. I had a lot of growing up to do in that time, you know, because I was only 20 and still in the young mind frame.
CHRISTIAN
You kind of look at being over there as kind of like being in jail, you know what I mean? Time is passing you by and the rest of the world is going on doing what they’re doing. So I mean when you go to make that phone call all those thoughts have built up and going through your head.
MARY
Hi baby, and I would be like, Oh my God it’s you, you know so happy to hear his voice. And usually after that I would dive straight into what’s wrong. Because, you know, I need him to be able to say, you know, everything is going to be okay and we would usually come up with a plan.
CHRISTIAN
I told myself, I said you know what, I could fly all the way home and they could turn this plane around and say you’re staying for another 6-8 months, you know. I got to Hawaii and I was like you know what, nah, nah, this ain’t Hawaii, this is Iran or something stupid like that. So I didn’t believe I was home until, you know, I had seen my wife.
MARY
I ran up on him from behind and I had my little, cute outfit. It was turquoise and it had gold rhinestones in it and it was a halter. I was looking cute, I was looking better than any wife there.
CHRISTIAN
I was like man I’ve been on this plane three days and I ain’t take a shower. And I needed someone to give me some gum or some tic tacs before I see my wife because I know breath is going to be real tart.
MARY
I would say it’s been very, very weird. That’s my word, weird, for it. In the beginning I mean he was always up trying to do stuff, I’d just be like, baby sit down, watch some T.V., didn’t know how to work the T.V. I can’t do what I want, I can’t get up when I want to, you know, I have to remember that there is someone else here. This is a marriage, this is a partnership.
CHRISTIAN
I would roll over and kind of turn my back to her just because I was so used to sleeping by myself for so long. Or, I’m so used to like, you know I have soldiers underneath me, so, I’m so used to being like, go here, do that, take car of this, take care of that, and you know I come home, I have to learn that, well, this isn’t one of my soldiers, this isn’t someone I can just tell what to do around the house all the time.
MARY
Is there anything, you babe, want to ask me?
CHRISTIAN
Um, nah. How did you do it?
MARY
I did it for you, I mean for us, you know. Somebody had to do it, you made me that promise that you would come home, you know, and you don’t break a promise. So, I’m glad you kept it.
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