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Custody Battle
Often children's voices aren't acknowledged
in custody battles.
By Reyna Gillead
 My
parents have been divorced since I was a baby and I have no memories of
them together. I always fantasized about having a family like everyone
else's. Instead, I've had to deal with custody battles for most of my
childhood.
At five years old, I remember being tossed from parent to parent,
weekend to weekend, never really getting settled anywhere. Whenever my
parents talked, it ended with screaming and yelling. I can still
visualize the scene during elementary school when my father dropped me
off at my mother's house after I'd spent the weekend with him. He made
me change my clothes, and take off the clothes he'd bought me. He didn't
want the things he paid for to be at my mother's house.
At ten
years old, things between my parents got worse. They were in court even
more, fighting for equal visiting privileges. I remember summer vacation
became a major battleground. My parents lived in two cities - 90 miles
apart. So the court set up a meeting place where they could literally
"exchange" me. The judge said it would make it easier on my parents to
pick me up and drop me off.
But the court had no idea what it
was like to have to wait anxiously for either parent in an old
restaurant, feeling like everyone in the place was staring at you. I
remember hoping that neither of my parents would make a scene. It was
awful. The worst time of my life. And I had absolutely no control - no
say. The court decided everything.
I can sympathize with Elian
Gonzalez because he was also stuck in that tug-o-war I experienced. In
spite of what they all say, I don't believe anyone really asked Elian
what he wanted. I only wish Elian at six years old could have found a
sympathetic judge like I did, at 14, who said "this kid needs her own
lawyer."
Finally, I had a spokesperson in court. He was present
at all the court sessions and delivered my opinions to the judge
directly. No longer could my parents say "she wants this" or "she wants
that" when they were really talking about what they wanted.
A
lot of people are saying that after his dramatic experience, Elian will
have a hard life ahead of him. But I can offer this advice to Elian.
Sure, being stuck in a battle between people you love tears you apart.
But once it's over, you do take some comfort from the fact they were
fighting over you because they love you.
— Reyna Gillead
is a Peer Teacher at Youth Radio and a student at Holy Names High
School
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