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Moving Out

Listen to this Commentary!

By Vanessa Gonzalez

I never thought I’d move out of my mother’s house, where I spent the entirety of my 15 years on earth. I was supposed to live there until I went to college, but things changed, and two months ago I went to live with my dad.

It happened fast. Over the course of five months my mother and I ended friendly conversation and began to argue all the time. We were kind of like those old married couples you watch on NBC sitcoms…except there wasn’t a happy ending.

I think it started when I switched schools. My first year of high school, I went to a school where everyone was the same: mostly Hispanic, mostly Catholic. No one disagreed about anything. Everyone was a “yes person.” Even if you got into an argument with someone, they would just cave and say, “Oh, yeah, you’re probably right.”

This year, I decided to change to a magnet school farther away from home. At the new school, everyone was different…not only in ethnicity, but also in religion and ways of thinking. People there were proud to be who they were, if it was gay or straight, black or white. I recall sitting in my English class on one of my first days of school and thinking to myself, "I’m not the smartest one here anymore. I can actually learn something from the people here instead of just learning from teachers." The students and classes opened my mind, which made me begin thinking of things in a whole new way.

I decided not to be Catholic anymore. My mom and I would argue about that. As a family, we said grace at the dinner table, but I wouldn’t do it. At first my mom blew it off, as if I were going through a phase. Then she kept questioning me about it.

Soon it became a burden for my mother to do anything for me, even uncomplicated things, like making me breakfast in the morning. After awhile, we couldn’t even stay in the same room for too long. The tension between us was enormous. It got to the point where we couldn’t talk about anything, no matter how trivial, without fighting.

What changed everything was an argument about something I can’t even remember. It got out of hand, once again. Mom was sitting in a chair in our living room, with her back to the blinds of the living room window. I was standing looking her way, and I told her I was going to move in with my dad. I could see out the window and hear cars passing by as I said this. And I realized how real it was. After I blurted it out, I stormed off. I thought she’d call me back. But she let me go. That’s really the moment I decided to move out. Leaving home for good was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. But I’d do it again in a second.

I’m Vanessa Gonzales.

BACK ANNOUNCE: Vanessa Gonzales comes to us from Youth Radio LA, a collaboration between LACAAW, KCRW FM, and Youth Radio.