|
Mom and Me
"Sometimes I feel like my mom gets embarrassed to talk to me about anything that makes her feel like I’m growing up."
Listen
to this Commentary!
By Olivia Cueva
My mom’s a therapist. You’d think she’d be great at talking and listening to people. But she’s never known how to talk to me. Or how to respect my privacy.
Every time I talk to my mom, what I say doesn’t stay between us. Like one time, I told her I had a boyfriend. We had people over a few days later, and my mom starts talking to my cousin at the dinner table, in front of my dad and little sister, about my boyfriend. She just blurts out my business to other people, insensitive to my feelings.
My mom talks to my aunt and her close friends about concerns she has about me. I don’t know why she doesn’t just tell me how she feels. I know she might want to get advice about how to deal with her teenage daughter, but from my perspective, what I say should be confidential.
Sometimes I feel like my mom gets embarrassed to talk to me about anything that makes her feel like I’m growing up… like sex. This past summer, as my mom drove me over to my friend’s house, I started to tell her about this guy I liked, thinking this talk could be a great bonding moment for both of us. I was telling her how far teenagers go these days, and she told me about how, back in her day, they used words like first base and second base to talk about sex. At this point, the conversation was going all right—we were laughing and finally feeling comfortable. But then, when she was about to drop me off, she asked me, in almost a whisper, “Are you sexually active?” If I hadn’t been the only other person in the car, I wouldn’t have known she was talking to me, because her eyes were fixed on her keys, still dangling in the car ignition. She was so unsure of herself! I wanted to yell at her, “I am your daughter! You could at least look me in the eye.” It was the best and worst conversation I had with my mom about sex.
It was really the first time we talked and laughed and shared stories about sex. But as soon as I could see how nervous and embarrassed she was, it made me feel like I was the more mature person in the relationship. Like I had to comfort her. Like she’s afraid of change.
I wish my mom and I could start over from back when I was a little kid—like now that I’m fifteen, it almost feels too late to have a good relationship. All of this makes me think differently about what I’d want to do when I have kids myself. I really want to be able to talk to my future daughter about anything—and for her to feel like she can share with me and feel safe.
|
|
