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Baseball Book Deals

"Athletes just never seem to learn to stick to what their good at."

By Mike Oseroff

Mike Oseroff is Youth Radio’s resident sports commentator and columnist. Keep checking this space for his weekly updates! You can email him at sports@youthradio.org.

Ahhhhh! (Sigh) There’s nothing better in the sports world than multi-talented athletes. Yeah that’s right, athletes who think they can rap, sing, act, etc. and always end up making fools of themselves and tarnishing their images. You know who I’m talking about. You’ve got Allen Iverson, who released a rap album with a million cuss words and thought it would fly with the commissioner. You’ve got Dennis Rodman and Karl Malone, who thought a stint in wrestling would be a cool way to blow off some steam in the off-season. And then of course you’ve got Shaq, whose classic portrayal of a genie from a boom box in Kazaam made less money at the box office than Mark Madsen’s weekly salary. Athletes just never seem to learn to stick to what their good at, and usually regret pursuing their newfound “passions” when all is said and done.

Right now however, we are in the midst of adding a new chapter to the book of embarrassing athlete side projects: autobiographies. In the past three weeks, two of the most hilarious stories in the sports world have been the controversy surrounding the autobios of Omar Vizquel and David Wells of Major League Baseball. And predictably enough, both these “authors” brought this wave of repercussions onto themselves.

I start with Wells, a starting pitcher for the New York Yankees whose book, Perfect I’m Not! Boomer on Beer, Brawls, Backaches, and Baseball, has been the most bizarre and funny headline in Spring Training this year. In it, Wells claims that 25 to 40 percent of major leaguers use steroids, and that almost all young minor league prospects do as well. He writes that the “homer helpers” are so common you could stand in the middle of any MLB clubhouse, walk 10 feet in any direction, and you would find them. Wells also admits he was “half-drunk,” with a “raging, skull-rattling hangover” when he pitched his perfect game in May 1998. Only 16 pitchers in MLB history have ever pitched a perfect game, and Wells cheerfully confesses he was at a Saturday Night Live season ending party until 5 a.m. the day of the game. Wells also goes on in his book to criticize fellow starters Roger Clemens and Mike Mussina, writes about the mental breakdown of teammate Andy Pettitte, and calls former teammate Kenny Rogers a “cuckoo-bird.”

Not surprisingly Wells has faced serious heat for his comments these past few weeks, and was eventually fined $100,000 by the Yankees.

The other amusing story is Vizquel’s autobiography, Omar! My Life On and Off the Field. In it, the Cleveland shortstop criticizes former teammate and current Phillies closer Jose Mesa, for failing to hold a 2-1 lead in the bottom of the ninth of Game 7 of the 1997 World Series. Cleveland lost to Florida 3-2 in 11 innings. Vizquel claims that he looked into Mesa’s eyes before he stepped out to close the game, and saw no emotion whatsoever. “Vacant, completely empty, nobody home,” Vizquel wrote. “I could almost see right through him. His first pitch dropped five feet from the plate, and it all went downhill from there.

Not surprisingly, Mesa was not amused. When asked his opinion of Vizquel, the closer had this to say: “If I face him I’ll hit him. If I face him ten more times, I’ll hit him ten more times. Every time. And if he charges the mound, I’ll kill him. And if he comes to apologize, I’ll punch him in the face, and then I’ll kill him.” Obviously, he’s not tickled pink.

So there you have it: two athletes straying from their trademark skills, and both ending up in bad situations. Wells will have to sell 28,203 copies of his book to gain back his money, and Vizquel is probably looking into home security systems and a gun to protect his family.

But if there is anything positive coming out of all of this, it’s that controversy is the best marketing tool of them all. Wells’ book is currently 53rd on the Amazon.com bestsellers list, and ESPN is going nuts in an attempt to broadcast worldwide the next Phillies-Indians game, aka: Mesa-Vizquel I. But just a piece of advice to any athlete who is going to pursue something outside of sports: remember the world is watching, reading, and analyzing your every move. And the next time you plan on writing a book, make sure you publish it after you’ve retired. It’ll save you that whole “fearing for your life” thing.

Check out more of Mike's columns!