Self-Made Men

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As he transitions to being male, Youth Radio’s Cole Carman, 18, wrestles with whether to retain any part of his female past.
As he transitions to being male, Youth Radio’s Cole Carman, 18, wrestles with whether to retain any part of his female past.

Earlier this year, I was supposed to get my first testosterone shot, but instead, I ended up taking female hormones.

Last year, when I discovered the term transgender, I was like yes! That’s me! I just wanted to hurry my transition to male — forget that I was ever female and lose the transgender label all together. But I was thrown off when my doctor handed me a pamphlet about planning for my future fertility. She asked if I was interested in freezing my eggs before I started taking male hormones.

When I chose to freeze my eggs, It delayed my transition more than a month. It forced me to be real with myself, reexamine what it meant to be a man.

The idea of taking female hormones, felt like a huge step backwards. But I did want to have biological kids someday. Which was possible, if I was willing to take some of my past self with me.

I was a different type of man, and having lived as a woman was a part of that. Some men are born and some men are made.

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