Questioning My Inside Jokes

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“K.M.S.” I say it all the time.  It stands for kill myself. But it’s just an inside joke with my friends. Right?

I use the acronym as a secret way to tell my friends exactly how I feel without the risk of offending anyone who catches parts of our conversation.

Saying “K.M.S.” isn’t the only “suicide joke ” thing my friends and I do. When something annoying happens I’ll often look at a friend, make a gun with my hand,  point it at my head and pull the fake trigger.

I say “K.M.S.” so regularly that I accidentally used it while talking to my mom. She was horrified once she found out the meaning, and cautioned me not to make light of such a serious topic.

It doesn’t take a whole lot of reflection to understand that suicide is not funny. There are young people who really are depressed and do commit suicide. I don’t want people to think that I don’t value my life.

For now I’m  not going to change how I interact with my friends, but moving forward I will definitely be more aware of when and where I use this code word.